In the beginning, Grandma’s physical appearance was the same, but her ability to function in her normal role was compromised. She began forgetting recent events and information such as phone numbers, birthdays, and appointments. Her forgetfulness lead to a decrease in her safety along with an increase in frustration because she would try to continue on doing things as usual. Grandma began placing items in inappropriate places – i.e. placing dentures in a jewelry box; brushing teeth with a tube of lotion. She also started having difficulty performing well-known tasks that have been familiar to her throughout her lifetime, for example, preparing meals. Grandma Ann has been an amazing cook for as long as I can remember. She would always prepare enormous meals for the entire family every time we would get together.
The realization of these changes was devastating to both Grandma and the rest of the family. For her dealing with dementia she began realizing that things weren’t right and she began trying to “cover” it up. For the rest of the family it was the fear of the disease that was devastating along with the unknown affects that it was going to have on everyone.
At first there was denial. We all began making excuses to try to justify what was happening – “We ALL forget. She was preoccupied, etc.” As time went on, we tried to “figure out” why and how to “rehabilitate” the memory loss and behavior that resulted. However, repetition and rehab didn’t work to bring things back. Not even the best doctor in the world can cure this horrible disease. It is not like a stroke or any other brain injury. My Grandmother’s memory is vanishing and there is nothing that we can do.
During the time of awareness of AD, my grandma became apologetic and depressed. This time was a very emotional time for both Grandma and our family because there was sadness at the loss - there was a grieving for Grandma slipping away and a grieving for life as we knew it.
Physical issues have solutions for the most part. We enrolled Grandma in physical therapy which helped her gain some strength back. However, her ability to walk has become less and less as the days go by. Research says that people with AD become unable to walk because they feel as though their feet are stuck to the floor. My prayer is that Grandma will never completely loose her ability to walk.
AD has also influenced my grandma’s language. Often times, Grandma can’t find the words that she wants to say and is unable to communicate effectively. At first she was able to write, but now she has lost her fine motor skill to do that. In addition, her speech has dwindled. She has become at times unable to finish sentences as well as follow conversations. In effort to try to cover this up, she repeatedly asks common questions such as, “How is school going?” Some AD victim’s speech turns into “mumbling” and when someone tries to correct them, it just upsets them more. Eventually, they get frustrated and as a result choose not to participate in conversation at all. I also pray that Grandma will never completely lose her ability to speak.
On top of all of this, Grandma’s nutrition has suffered. At times she loses interest in food. It’s believed that AD victims don’t remember if they ate or not. In addition, Grandma has lost interest in activities that she once formerly enjoyed such as, sewing and playing cards. She has lost interest in these activities because she no longer remembers how to do them.
Due to Grandma’s worsening condition, we have had to place her in a nursing home. It has gotten to be too much for my grandpa to handle and this decision has been the most difficult choice he has ever had to make. Taking care of Grandma is a 24/7 issue. It has worked out well that my grandparents have Long Term Care Insurance that covers most of the cost to have my her in the nursing home. They also have good medical insurance that covers her medicine and doctor visits.
My grandmother continues to remain in the nursing home and is well taken care of. My grandpa visits her at the same time everyday and she looks forward to seeing him. We have found that keeping a routine seems to provide a certain amount of security. The rest of us continue to pray for Grandma and visit her as much as our schedules allow. There are days that Grandma is happy and agreeable and seems to be enjoying the day and others she may be crying and refuse to do anything. Every visit is so unpredictable and difficult for us to see Grandma like this.
How will this end?
Nobody knows – system failure (heart, kidneys, or starvation), or possibly an accident (fall)???
No matter what, the real loss has already happened. Grandma may be here physically, but mentally she has been gone for a while. Research shows that many times the spouse dies before the person with AD, especially if they are the caretaker, due to the physical and emotional stress. Sometimes families lose businesses, family farms, their homes, etc. due to the high costs of care. I am extremely thankful for the family that I do have. This has been a bumpy ride and I know that it isn’t over yet but at least we still have each other to encourage and support each other. All of us, including Grandma need unconditional love and support in order to make it through this difficult time.
